


Forever My Vhenan

by Ezzy_Pie



Series: Valindra/Solas Oneshots [5]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, F/M, Heartbreak, So much angst, Trespasser - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-15
Updated: 2015-09-15
Packaged: 2018-04-20 22:23:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4804415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ezzy_Pie/pseuds/Ezzy_Pie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Trespasser Spoilers!!!!!!!!!</p><p> </p><p>Valindra encounters Solas. Trespasser ending with my inquisitor.  :(</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forever My Vhenan

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooo, I was absolutely WREAKED after finishing trespasser, cried so much. I knew it was going to hurt so bad. So naturally i did the only logical thing, i watched the ending about 20 times, then wrote a fic.  
> I'm hoping this might help the grieving process, because i dunno about you guys, but i am not ok :(  
> And sadly, i will never be able to romance anyone else, that stupid egg head ruined me.

"Solas...is an agent of Fen'Harel..." Valindra breath hitched in her throat, and she was certain her heart stopped beating. Solas had betrayed them all.

"Did you not know? We thought you were his ally...” The anchor flared and Valindra fell to her knees, clutching her hand as pain tore through her. Her blood on fire, her mind running riot with the Qunari’s parting words. 

Her vhenan, an agent of Fen'Harel. She stared into the eluvian into which the qunari had passed. There had to be some mistake. Valindra came to her feet to be enfolded in Dorian’s comforting arms.

"Inquisitor?"

"That's why Solas left. He's been helping us fight the qunari all this time." She couldn’t deal with him being a traitor, not just yet. He deserved to have a chance to explain, give her the answers he had promised all those years ago. SHE deserved as much.

"We have to get moving" Dorian said gently.

“Yes," she said slipping from Dorians arms. “We will save Solas, even if it's from himself.”

She turned finding herself staring into the disapproving faces of her companions. 

Dorian she understood. He had been the one to scrape her up of the floor after Solas had broken her heart in Crestwood and abandoned her after Coryphaeus’ defeat. His dissatisfaction came from a place of concern, but the others? Fuck! She had never asked a thing from them. Valindra had traipsed all the way to the Storm Coast for Bull, had sacrificed a very lucrative alliance with the quinari for him. Valindra couldn’t help but wonder if they would be in their current predicament if they had been aligned.

And Vivienne, Valindra had waded through a fucking swamp for days, fighting off wyvern to help save Bastion’s life. And now the woman was muttering under her breath about ‘the unwashed apostate.’ Valindra had never once complained about helping any of her friends loved ones, would not have dreamed of refusing them. But now when she needed something all she got were looks of condemnation from her ‘friends.’

Anger coursed through her. 

“You can all wipe those looks from your faces," Valindra snapped. "We are going to stop the invasion, and save Solas. And if any one of you lay so much as a finger on him, you will regret it." 

Without looking to see if her companions followed, she spun on her heel and passed through the mirror. 

 

She battled through the ruins as though the Coryphaeus himself were on her heel, using the erratic power of the anchor. She cared naught for anything but reaching Solas, a trail of blood and destruction in her wake, the landscape set aflame. 

Her heart pounding hard, her body wracked with pain and exhaustion, she fought on, bolts of lightning bursting from her fingers. The stench of burning flesh filling the air, her companions keeping a safe distance from her and the sporadically firing anchor.  
Until finally the saarebas lay dead at her feet.

*************************************

He sensed her approach before she even stepped through the eluvian, the anchors erratically deteriorating power surging dangerously. With the blink of an eye, the qunari was turned to stone by his will. He did not turn when she crested the rise, he could not look back, not yet. He wanted to remember her when they were happy, their time together was precious to him, he visited the memories often. He had lured her here to save her, if she let him. He could not bear his last memory of her to be her death by his hand, his name a curse upon her sweet lips. 

For by now she knew who he really was, even if her Dalish pride would not allow her mind to fully comprehend the truth. Inside, she had to know. He did not want to face the unbridled hatred that she surely bore him. 

So he kept walking, delaying the inevitable confrontation. He had abandoned her, left without a word of goodbye. And now this. He welcomed the fury he knew she could unleash. 

"Solas?" She breathed, her sweet lyrical voice carrying across the space between them. Solas had never thought to see her again, had indeed hoped not to, but he could not carry on knowing her blood was on his hands. Finally, he slowly turned toward her voice 

Valindra cried out, the sound ripping through the air as she crumpled to the sodden earth, clutching her hand to her chest. She was in agony. His vhenan. Yet he kept his mask if indifference as he gazed down upon her, shoving down the desire to rush to her side, his power flaring in his eyes, suppressing the anchors erratic power, for now. He could not allow his emotions to get the better of him, though he was slowly losing the battle of will within himself.

"That should give us more time.” His voice came cool and calm from his lips, his heart racing, fingers tightening behind his back.

"I suspect you have questions." Solas deadpanned, his expression devoid of all trace of emotion. It would be easier for her to hate him that way, as she deserved to. 

"How were you able to control the anchor?" She gazed in awe at her subdued hand.

“In the same way as when I stopped it from killing you at haven…although I am stronger now. The mark you bare was bestowed upon you by the orb of Fen’Harel. My orb.” His blue-grey eyes met hers, the deep sapphire pools widening and he was sure she had stopped breathing. He knew he had. 

The silence stretched on, as Valindra Lavellan, First of her clan, Apprentice to the Keeper stared down the Dread Wolf with tears in her eyes, her heart breaking all over again.

“Your Fen’Harel?” Her voice was barely audible when she spoke. His features softened as Solas took a step toward her, reaching for her. It was like a dagger to his heart when flinched away from him, wrapping her arms about herself as the implications of their relationship dawned on her. Solas dropped his hand and continued on.

"I was Solas first. Fen'Harel came later...an insult I took as a badge of pride. The Dread Wolf inspired hope in my friends and fear in my enemies...not unlike "inquisitor" I suppose. And now you know. What is the old Dalish curse? "May the Dread Wolf take you?" There was a heavy sadness in his voice as he turned his face from her, unable to see the hate in her beautiful eyes. 

"And so he did" Her face broke, anguished tears falling freely down her bare face. She wanted to run, hide away from him, from her shame. She had lain with the Dread Wolf, given herself to the monster who had brought her people so low they were mere shadows of themselves. Creators! He had fooled her so thoroughly, Solas, Fen’Harel, the Dread Wolf. She was glad her clan was not alive to learn of her betrayal. She had given her heart wholly and freely to the betrayer. And yet she still could not find it in her heart to hate him. 

So who really was the greater betrayer of the Dalish? Because she knew in her heart it would not have mattered.

"I did not. I would not lay with you under false pretences.” Her quiet words had ripped at his very soul and his mask slipped when she shrunk away from him. Did she truly believe he had tricked her, lied about the true depths of his feelings for her in order to get her into bed? 

His heart was splintering into pieces that she thought such a thing. Ar lath ma, vhenan he had told her years before, words he had never spoken to anyone but her, she had claimed him heart and soul. Yet he could not let himself reach out to her, he had come so far. He must follow this through. When she finally spoke again, it wasn't filled with vitriol and hatred, but sorrow and anguish. Her pain hurt him deeply.

“But you lied to me. I loved you. Did you really think I wouldn't have understood?"

He hung his head, shamed. “ir abelas vhenan." In truth, it had been his greatest fear that she would understand, but this was a path he must walk alone, no matter how desperately he wanted her by his side even now. 

Vhenan. Her traitorous heart skipped a beat and a small spark of hope flared somewhere deep within her. She was still vhenan to him? She hadn't dared hope. Had she truly captured the Dread Wolf’s heart? He still loved her. It was a heat stopping realisation. Solas came first he had said. He had been his true self, as much as he had allowed 

Her brow creased, and she shook her head. It mattered not. Many years ago, he had promised answers. So she would hear out his tale. "Tel'abelas. If you care give me the truth." 

And so he told her everything, the truth spilling unbound from his lips, a weight lifting from his shoulders. He told her how he sought to free his people from slavery, breaking the chains of those who wished to join him, how the false gods named him Fen'Harel and how he formed the veil and banished them forever. She listened carefully as she always had, taking in his every word as though he were merely relating to her a story from his travels in the fade. 

"Thus I freed the elven people and, in doing so, destroyed their world." And there it was, the source of the great sadness that had always seemed to weigh on his shoulders when they were together. Valindra took a step forward, closing the distance, laying a comforting hand upon his hand. 

"You love the fade. Why would you create the veil to hide it all away." He shook his head, even now she thought only of his hurts. Would she still be so forgiving after she knew the whole of it? Knew what he intended to do?

"Because every alternative was worse." Solas said, stepping away from her again.

"Meaning?" Valindra’s hand dropped once more to her side, making no move to follow. 

"Had I not created the veil, the evanuris would have destroyed the entire world.” 

Valindra listened as Solas told her of the false gods, their rise to power, how they had slain Mythal in their lust for power. Mythal, the voice of reason who only sought to protect her people. How he had sealed them away. ‘The first of our kind do not die so easily.’ And how all the wonders of Arlathan had been intrinsically dependant on the fade, and thus destroyed by the veil.

“Your legends are half-right. We were immortal. It was not the arrival of humans that caused us to begin aging. It was me. The veil took everything from the elves, even themselves.” Valindra remained silent for a long time. She couldn’t even begin to imagine what had been lost. Empty words would not comfort the Dread Wolf, nor Solas, no matter how she wished they could. 

"That's the past, what about the future?"

Solas turned away from her, her willingness to listen, to understand his actions. It was too much. "I lay in dark and dreaming sleep while countless ages passed. I woke still weak a year before I joined you. My people fell for what I did to strike the evanuris down. But still some hope remains for restoration. I will save the elven people. Even if it means this world must die."

"Let me help you Solas." She came toward him, hurt passing across her delicate features as he stepped from her reach yet again. 

There it was. His worst fear realised. 

"I cannot do that to you vhenan." He could not look at her. The pleading eyes, the unquestionable loyalty he had somehow undeservedly invoked in her. 

"But you would do it to yourself? I cannot bear to think of you alone." He closed his eyes tight against her words. He hadn't expected that after all this time. She would still love him so fiercely. He wished she didn’t, it would be so much better for them both. He should never have touched her.

"I walk the din'anshiral. There is only death on this journey. I would not have you see what I become." A fresh flow of salty tears fell silently. Vhenan. He was breaking her heart all over again. 

"It is my fight. You should be more concerned about the inquisition, your inquisition. In stopping the dragons breath, you have prevented an invasion by qunari forces. With luck, they will return their focus to Tevinter . That should give you a few years of relative peace."

"The qunari said the inquisition was unknowingly working for agents of Fen'Harel.” She said, brushing away her tears. 

"I gave no orders." 

"You led us to Skyhold. "

"Corypheus should have died unlocking the orb. When he survived, my plans were thrown into chaos. When you survived, I saw the inquisition as the best hope this world had of stopping him. And you needed a home, hence skyhold." 

"You gave your orb to Corypheus. " That meant…the breach…fuck! Valindra couldn’t understand how he could do such a thing.

"Not directly. My agents allowed the Venatori to locate it. The orb had built up magical energy while I lay unconscious for millennia. I was not powerful enough to open it." Millennia. He had slept for ages beyond counting, her vhenan.

"The plan was for Coryphaeus to unlock it, and the resulting explosion to kill him. Then I would claim the orb. I did not foresee a Tevinter magister having leaned the secret of effective immortality."

"What would have happened if Corypheus had died and you recovered the orb?" She asked warily, a sense of dread settling in the pit of her stomach. She wasn’t entirely certain she wanted to know. 

"I would have entered the fade, using the mark you now bear. Then I would have torn down the veil. As this world burned in the raw chaos, I would have restored the world of my time...the world of elves." 

The words slipped from his lips so calmly, like he was talking of something as mundane as the weather. Valindra stared, incredulous. Unblinking. Solas...Vhenan…

"If you destroyed the veil, wouldn't the false gods return?"

"I had plans." 

Her sweet, gentle Solas, was planning on tearing the world asunder to restore the elves. Her blood ran cold, her heart shattering into a million pieces within her breast. That meant... 

"I never thought of you as someone who would do that Solas."

“Thank you." She had always seen the best I'm him, and it pained him to disappoint her. But he had destroyed his people. She could never fully comprehend the magnitude of what had been lost.  
“You must understand. I awoke in a world where the veil had blocked most people's conscious connection to the fade. It was like walking through a world of tranquil."

His words were like a knife through her heart. ‘The Dalish are like children, stumbling in the dark.’ His words from long ago came back to hunt her. Creators, what was she to him but an ignorant child. What had a man such as he ever seen in an ignorant savage like her. Fresh tears burned her cheeks. 

"We aren't even people to you?" 

"Not at first. You showed me I was wrong...again." Valindra didn't know how much more of his honesty she could take. She wanted to throw herself into his arms, and beg him to forget his plan, plans that would take him from her again, plans that would destroy the world as she knew it. She wanted to kiss him until he forgot it all.

"That does not make what must come next any easier." 

"Whatever your reasons. We could not have defeated Corypheus without you." 

"Your doubts are misplaced. Everything you accomplished, you earned." Sapphire eyes narrowed sharply, and Solas saw a new, grim determination grip her. He had seen that look many times, had seen countless others fall to her will under her piercing gaze. But it wouldn't work on him, he had played the game much longer than she, though a small part of him wished it could. 

"Why bother disrupting the qunari plot if you’re going to destroy the world regardless."

"You have shown me there is value in this world, inquisitor.” He used her title deliberately to distance himself, she was getting under his skin with all her probing questions. As she always had. If he were not careful he would find himself making her promises he could not afford to keep. 

"I take no joy in what I must do. Until that day comes, I would see those recovering from the breech, free of the qun."

"Why?"

"Because I am not a monster. If they must die, I would see them die in comfort. In any event, it is done.” 

A humourless laugh escaped her. “I guess we owe you for that one, too.” 

“I hope it gives your people some final peace.” She didn’t answer, he was talking about destroying the world, after having helped her save it not two years passed. He had to know she would be obligated to stop him. No. She couldn’t do this here, now. 

“There’s still the matter of the anchor. It’s getting worse.”

“I know vhenan. And we are running out of time.” As if on cue, the anchor flared and she fell to the ground screaming as agonising pain tore through her arm. 

“The mark will eventually kill you. Drawing you hear gave me a chance to save you…at least for now.” Solas knelt beside her and she saw the raw anguish behind his stormy eyes. He truly believed in what he was doing, but she couldn’t let him destroy himself.

“Solas, var lath vir suledin.” She begged, he had to give this up now, before it was too late. If it came down to him or the world, she wasn’t confident she could strike the killing blow. Vhenan, don’t do this, her mind screamed.

“I wish it could vhenan.” Another wave of pain ripped through her body, her nails drawing blood as she gripped her hand against her. 

“My love…” Solas knelt down, pain etched in every line of his face. He drew her into his arms, his eyes glowing as he pressed his lips to hers in a soft, tender kiss, his tears mingling with hers upon her cheeks. The kiss was over all too quickly and tingling began to form from her fingertips and travelled up her arm. 

“Ar lath ma, vhenan. I will never forget you.” 

And when he turned from her for the last time, she didn’t try to stop him.

*************************

 

Valindra sometimes woke from dreams in which Solas watched her sadly from across an endless distance. If they were more than simple dreams she could not say, for every time she reached for him, he vanished into nothing. Still she searched, and dreamed and waited for a way to change the Dread Wolfs heart. She would find him, she would stop him. She would save him from himself. No matter how the world saw him.

He was forever her Vhenan.


End file.
